My parents fight. A lot. I'm not sure who really starts it. But I know it's both of their faults. My Dad has never been one with emotions. That's nothing new. But my Mom thinks that somehow he'll magically change. He probably has since they've been married but he'll never be the man my mom claims she needs.
My Dad never does anything to her when they fight. He will sit there and take it. He'll let her get in his face and yell and hit and throw shit at him. It's when that starts to happen that I just can't sit and pretend like nothing is happening.
I always feel the need to intervene when it gets physical. I don't regret the fact that I do. I'd rather get hit then see my Dad get hit. He's the only one in the family that has a job and can support us. He's the one I have the most in common with. I guess in a way I do love him more. It's hard for me to even think of loving my Mom with the way she treats him. If I'm suppose to love her, I don't understand how.
They haven't had a fight where I had to stand between the two in a while. Maybe a year? Last time I got the phone, a remote and a book thrown at me. All because I didn't want her hitting my Dad. He tried to pull me away but I'm stubborn. I really would catch a grenade for him.
Last night she started pushing my Dad around and I was afraid she was going to come at him with a knife again. Did I forget to mention that? Happened when she threw all those things at me. She came at my Dad with a knife. I stood in the middle and held her back. Then she yelled at me because I was trying to protect him. She thinks I side with him. And you know what I'm not going to lie. I do side with him. But that's only because I don't think the hitting and the getting in his face and everything is justifiable. No matter how heart broken you are. I don't think violence is the right action.
So back to last night. She was pushing my Dad around and I got in the middle to stop her. My Dad already has a bad back and knee. He doesn't need to be falling and tripping all over the place. Sh had knocked a cup over and I was afraid she was going to come at him with a piece of it. Instead she takes the windex bottle and starts to spray me with it to get out of her way. My Dad wasn't having it and pulled me aside. I almost lost it.
I can't believe I didn't.
I know they're both hurting but they're not the only ones. I have no idea how my brother feels about all of this. My sister only recently found out how my mom losses it on my Dad. And every time they fight I can feel myself lose it. Something makes me want to kill myself so it'll snap them the fuck out of what they're doing and realize they need to get help on a regular basis.
That's not the answer but it's what I really want to do. I should call the cops but I can't bring myself to see my Dad upset. He would (surprisingly) miss my mom if she went to jail. I can't say I would.
